Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
You did what with his pubic hair?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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