oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
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