I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
