I haven't been this sober since birth.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
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It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
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Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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