Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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