Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
