I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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