you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
