Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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