I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
two words: eviction party
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
