peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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