i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
This is classic penis vs brain.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
