So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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