Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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