Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
