he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this hospital has no fireball
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
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