he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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