In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize
