I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize