Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
there is glitter all over my balls
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
