C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
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