I CAN MOONWALK!
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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