How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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