8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
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