yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
