I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
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