she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Randomize
