the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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