I just pynch a tree in the face
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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