So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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