How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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