Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
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260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
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They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
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