Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize