I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
