Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
