meet me or not, i'm out of control
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
