just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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