We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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