I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
