So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
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All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
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I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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