Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
