Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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