At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
