I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
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