i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
