Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
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