Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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