you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
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