my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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