So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
