small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
