Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
