i just had sex bonerless
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
It's official drugs can't kill me
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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