i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
