At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
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