if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
