So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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