I'd wear matching sweaters with you
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
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I woke up to her vacumming the grass
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
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I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!