I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
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Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
You need a sexual gate keeper
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i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...