I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter