why didn't you poke me back
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.