At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
