If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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