fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
You have to summon your inner elephant
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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