u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
