Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
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it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
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I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.