If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
