So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
