I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
