If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
