Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Randomize
