If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
