You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
