Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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