i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
