i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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