Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Randomize
