my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
