I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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