ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
