he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
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