Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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